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Intro Page

Dedicated to my family

And to the many people

Throughout my life that

Have propelled me forward

With kindness and support.

To the people who help get this

Book published, promoted,

Distributed and into your hands.

And to you for the curiosity

To pick it up and begin to read

And to begin to smile n understand.

I also dedicate this work

To helping humanity learn the

Brutal truth that we are

Not alone in the Universe

And that we need to expand

Into the Cosmos in a big way

As soon as fast and

With as many people as possible.

A spacewalk should be a requirement

To graduate high school.

Quotes on Sex, Love, and Marriage


Edited 1988 by

Robert H. Williams





Quotes on Sex & Sexual Attraction-2

Quotes on Love & Romance-76

Quotes on Marriage & Weddings-122

Quotes on Women-160

Quotes on Men-194

Quotes on Women & Men-215

Quotes on Family and

Everything Else-253




Quotes on Sex & Sexual Attraction



Before you can score you must first have a goal. Greek Proverb

An apple pie without some cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze. English Rhyme

Girls who don't repulse men's advances advance men's pulses. Unknown American Proverb

It is remarkable how many impure things a prude can discover that nobody else can discover. Unknown

Whether or not a girl can be had for a song depends on a man's pitch. Unknown American Proverb

Making love to a woman too many times is like scratching a place that doesn't itch anymore. Unknown American Proverb

Loving a woman never satisfies her; you've got to make love to her. Unknown

Sex is only dirty if it's done right. American Proverb

There are no premature babies, only delayed weddings. American Proverb

Absence and a friendly neighbor washeth away love. English Proverb

A chorus girl is like a zoo: she comes in like a lamb, meets a wolf, gets sly as a fox, and winds up with a mink. Unknown

Small boy to slightly smaller girl: "Are you the opposite sex, or am I?" Unknown

How do you tell girl pancakes from boy pancakes? By the way they're stacked. Unknown

The wives of a progressive Indian reserve have taken to swapping husbands. They call it passing the buck. Unknown

Two very small boys were playing marbles together when a very, very pretty little girl walked by. One of the boys exclaimed fervently to his pal, "Brother, when I stop hating girls, she's the one I'm going to stop hating first!" Unknown

A topless waitress is a girl you look up to, very, very slowly. Unknown

One is never too old to yearn. Italian Proverb

She who is silent consents. French Proverb

You know, humanly speaking, there is a certain degree of temptation which will overcome any virtue. Samuel Johnson

A clever, ugly man every now and then is successful with the ladies, but a handsome fool is irresistible. William M. Thackeray

He is a fool that kisseth the maid when he may kiss the mistress. English Proverb

I've been on a calendar, but never on time. Marilyn Monroe

A secretary is a clever girl who can add, or a cute girl who can distract. Unknown

Pornography is any writing, picture, or form of entertainment that is too sexplicit. Unknown

When a woman is openly bad she is then at her best. Latin Proverb

The girl who blushes needs no makeup. Russian Proverb

Quotes on Love & Romance



In a Maui discotheque: "Not responsible for dates left over ten minutes." Unknown

Paranoid is the couple interrupted by a cop in lover's lane. Unknown

What is youth except a man or woman before it is fit to be seen? Evelyn Waugh

Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love. Turkish Proverb

Old birds are hard to pluck. German Proverb

Love laughs at locksmiths. Unknown

It is never considered quite nice

To make passes at ladies twice.

It is clumsy and crude

And exceedingly rude;

Besides, usually once will suffice. Unknown

A wolf is a man with a little black book of cancelled chicks. Unknown American Proverb

A man will often take a girl to some retreat in order to make advances. Unknown American Proverb

The man who wouldn't be a fool over the right woman doesn't deserve to have the right woman be a fool over him. Unknown

It is better to be made a fool of by women than to be ignored by them. Unknown

Never come crawling to a man for love. He likes to get a run for his money. Mae West

Platonic friendship: the interval between the introduction and the first kiss. Sophie Irene Loeb

The loves of some people are but the results of good suppers. Nicholas Chamfort

Marriage is a trick to give a man's sweetheart of today an advantage over his sweetheart of tomorrow. Unknown

Matrimony is the only foolproof way to find out what the man you love really thinks of you. Unknown

A modern novel is from cover to cover, a story than runs from lover to lover. Unknown

The moon is the celestial body that affects the tide and the untied. Unknown

To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. Theophile Gautier

Some people feel with their heads and think with their hearts. G.C. Lichtenberg

Any kiddies in school can love like a fool, but hating, my boy, is an art. Ogden Nash

Friendship may, and often does, grow into love; but love never subsides into friendship. Lord Byron

Love is the thing that makes the heart light and the parlor dark. Unknown

The best way to hold a man is in your arms. Unknown

You know a boy is growing up when he stops wanting to go out with girls and wants to stay home with them. Unknown

Girl to soon-to-be ex-boyfriend: "Let me explain it to you this way, if our romance was on TV, I'd be switching channels." Unknown

Tears are the safety-valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it. Albert Smith

Love is loveliest when embalmed in tears. Walter Scott

What a hell of witchcraft lies in the small orb of one particular tear! Shakespeare

He soft soaped her until she couldn't see for the suds. Mary Roberts Rinehart

Great hate follows great love. Irish Proverb

Scratch a lover and find a foe. Dorothy Parker

Love is like hash, you have to have confidence in it to enjoy it. Unknown

Quotes on Marriage & Weddings



I have a dog that growls, a parrot that swears, a stove that smokes, and a cat that stays out all night. Why do I need a husband? Unknown

The honeymoon's over when the groom stops praising his wife's clothes and starts pricing them. Unknown

A wedding ring is a circle around a woman's finger, but a noose around a man's neck. Unknown

When he finally proposed she was so excited she fell out of bed. Unknown

It's pretty hard to keep up with the Joneses, especially when they are newlyweds. Unknown

My husband doesn't munch words! Mary Carter

I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. Carrie Snow

The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward. Polish Proverb

A wedding ring is a tourniquet on the finger that stops your circulation. Unknown

When the two teenagers were turned down by the Marriage License Bureau, they asked, "Could you maybe give us a learner's permit?" Unknown

A wedding is a service where woman accepts man for the sake of marriage, and man accepts marriage for the sake of woman. Unknown

The best years of a man's life is just before he stumbles and Mrs. Unknown

The most shocked women in the world are those who get married because they got tired of working. Unknown

My toughest fight was with my first wife. Muhammad Ali

Marriage is a bargain, and someone has to get the worst of a bargain. Helen Rowland

Almost all married people fight, although many are ashamed to admit it. Actually a marriage in which no quarreling at all takes place may well be one that is dead or dying from emotional undernourishment. If you care, you probably fight. Flora Davis

He who marries might be sorry. He who does not will be sorry. Czechoslovakian Proverb

When a girl proposes to a man she isn't any more comfortable about it than a man is when he does. Unknown

A wedding ceremony is where a man takes his wife for better or worse, and then begins to take her for granted. Unknown

Wedding cake is the only cake which, once eaten, can give you indigestion for the rest of your life. Unknown

A wedding dress is what a bride formerly saved for her daughter but now saves for her next wedding. Unknown

The wedding march is a beautiful piece of music that's a little too slow to hum while washing the dishes. Unknown

A wedding ring is what a man gives his girl when he cannot afford to go steady with her any longer. Unknown

Wedlock is the disillusion of the man who agreed to marriage before finding out that marriage does not agree with him. Unknown

A wedding is a ceremony where the bride looks stunning and the groom looks stunned. Unknown

A proposal is a sentence ending with a proposition. Unknown

A proposal is an offer of marriage when even the man of few words talks to much. Unknown

After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her - and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. Helen Rowland

The honeymoon is the period during which the bride trusts the bridegroom's word of honor. Unknown

You never hear of a man marrying a woman to reform her. Unknown

Optimism is the state of mind which believes matrimony will be cheaper than the engagement. Unknown

A stenographer is a girl who learns to type on your time while she waiting for a chance to get married. Unknown

Quotes on Women




We owe a lot to daytime TV. Think of all the women who might otherwise be out driving. Unknown

An old maid is a lemon that has never been squeezed. Unknown

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton. Elayne Boosler

Never trust a woman with a man's voice. French Proverb

The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. Joan Baez

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but what she's going to exchange it for. Unknown

There's nothing a wife loves more than a double chin on her husband's old girlfriend. Unknown

Next to God, we are indebted to women, first for life itself, and then for making it worth having. Bovee

Any girl can be glamorous, all you have to do is stand still and look stupid. Hedy Lamar

Women like to sit down with trouble as if it were knitting. Ellen Glasgow

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. Dolly Parton

Women always speak the truth, but not the whole truth. Italian Proverb

The most subtle flattery a woman can receive is that conveyed by actions, not by words. Mad. Neckar

A woman is like a tea bag. You don't know her strength until she is in hot water. Nancy Reagan

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just one of the pieces. Judith Viorst

The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to the ages of other women. Diane de Poitiers

Sensibility is the power of woman. Lavater

Girls who eat sweets take up two seats. Unknown

Anything you tell a woman usually goes in one ear and out to the neighbors. Unknown

A smart female is one who quits playing ball when she makes a good catch. Unknown

Give a woman a job and she grows balls. Jack Gelber

She is like the rest of the women - thinks two and two'll come to make five, if she cries and bothers enough about it. George Eliot

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Charlotte Whitton

No woman objects to being called intelligent provided she is assured that it has done no harm to her looks. Aubrey Menen

The only secret a woman can keep is the one she doesn't know. Arab Proverb

I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate. Lady Astor

Actresses don't have husbands, they have attendants. Margaret Anglin

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both. Nicholas Butler

There's nothing so cold as a woman who's been refused a fur coat. Unknown

Most every woman's age is like the speedometer on a used car, you know it's set back but you don't know how far. Unknown

A girdle doesn't change a woman's weight. It only moves it to a more interesting location. Unknown

The fickleness of the women I love is only equaled by the constancy of the women who love me. George Bernard Shaw

A good many women are good tempered simply because it saves the wrinkles coming too soon. Baroness Von Hutten

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. Helen Rowland

Resolved, that the women of this nation in 1876, have greater cause for discontent, rebellion and revolution that the men of 1776. Susan B. Anthony

Pity is the deadliest feeling that can be offered to a woman. Vicki Baum

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. Zsa Zsa Gabor

A woman's word is never done. American Proverb

One woman's poise is another woman's poison. Katherine Brush

The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet. Frank Dane

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's; she changes it more often. Oliver Herford

A woman is a person who knows fifty-nine different ways of saying no when she consents to something. Unknown

A temporary atheist is a woman who hasn't won at bingo in three weeks. Unknown

A woman has reached middle age when her girdle pinches and the men don't. Unknown

Quotes on Men




A sexagenarian is a man in his sixties who begins to realize that his grandfather was not so old when he died at eighty. Unknown

Golf is a game in which a small ball is chased by a man who is to old to chase anything else. Unknown

Never slap a guy in the face when he's chewing tobacco. Unknown

Old age is when a pretty girl arouses memories instead of hope. Unknown

Guys who pinch pennies will never pinch chorus girls. Unknown

If you are living with a man, you don't have to worry about whether you should sleep with him after dinner. Stephanie Brush

Bachelor, a peacock; betrothed, a lion; married, a donkey. Spanish Proverb

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. Carrie Snow

Men are like the earth and we are like the moon; we turn always one side to them and they think there is no other. Olive Schreiner

Even Sir Isaac Newton had to be hit on the head before he learned the law of gravity. Unknown

A young man is always surprised when he learns that other young men think his sister is beautiful. Unknown

A man advertised for a wife in the papers. He got eighteen hundred replies from men who said he could have theirs. Unknown

A man is one who snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth; and endures all the rest. Helen Rowland

I like Frenchmen very much, because even when they insult you they do it so nicely. Josephine Baker

I like men to behave like men - strong and childish. Francoise Sagan

A bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. Helen Rowland

A jealous man always finds more than he looks for. Mlle. Scudery

No one is so busy as the man with nothing to do. French Proverb

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to be as mediocre as possible. Margaret Mead

The softer a man's head, the louder his socks. Helen Rowland

Take your troubles like a man, blame them on your wife. Unknown

Men, in general, are but great children. Napoleon

A father's heart is tender, though the man's is made of stone. Young

Man is a reasoning rather than a reasonable animal. Alexander Hamilton

Every man is a volume, if you know how to read him. Channing

When faith is lost, and honor dies, the man is dead. Whittier

A doorman is a genius who can open the door of your car with one hand, help you in with the other, and still have one left for the tip. Dorothy Kilgallen

A fox is a wolf who sends flowers. Ruth Weston

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second and his follies last. Helen Rowland

Very few men care to have the obvious pointed out to them by a woman. Mrs. Baillie Saunders

Well, time wounds all heels. Jane Ace

A woman-hater is the man who believes that everything you say to a woman will be used against you. Unknown

A woman-hater is a man who has made mistakes with women, but none so great as the mistake of having nothing to do with them. Unknown

Every man has his devilish moments. Lavater

To appreciate heaven 'tis good for a man to have some fifteen minutes of hell. Will Carleton

Quotes on Women & Men



Finesse is the artfulness of a girl to make a slow man think he's a fast worker. Unknown

The human male is the only animal from eight to eighty always has to explain to some woman why he didn't come home earlier. Unknown

Middle age is the period when, if you go all out, you end up all in. Unknown

A playboy is a womanizer with money to burn who pursues girls willing to play with fire. Unknown

An old fogy is one who disapproves of slacks for women because woman's place is in the home and not in men's pants. Unknown

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. Zsa Zsa Gabor

He promised me earrings, but he only pierced my ears. Arabian Proverb

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat. Elayne Boosler

One of the advantages of living alone is that you don't have to wake up in the arms of a loved one. Marion Smith

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in. Katherine Whitehorn

An old maid is person of either sex who is prickly, prissy and proper. Unknown

A playgirl is a playmate in search of a paymate. Unknown

Middle age is ten years older than you are. Unknown

Men's vows are women's traitors. Shakespeare

A woman is a woman until the day she dies, but a man's a man only as long as he can. Moms Mabley

The quarrels of lovers are like summer storms. Everything is more beautiful when they have passed. Mad. Necker

A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. Chinese Proverb

A woman's head is always influenced by heart; but a man's heart by his head. Lady Blessington

To a woman the first kiss is just the end of the beginning; to a man it is the beginning of the end. Helen Rowland

The vows that woman makes to her fond lover are only fit to be written on air, or on the swiftly passing stream. Catullus

The whole world is strewn with snares, traps, gins and pitfalls for the capture of men by women. George Bernard Shaw

A husband is a plaster that cures all the ills of girlhood. Moliere

A flatterer is a person who is seldom interrupted. Unknown

Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots. Benjamin Tucker

Contact with a high-minded woman is good for the life of any man. Henry Vincent

The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce. John Kenneth Galbraith

Drying a widow's tears is one of the most dangerous occupations known to man. Dorothy Dix

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show. Fanny Brice

God sent us women, and the Devil sent them corsets. French Proverb

A fool and her money are soon courted. Helen Rowland

The female of the species is more deadly than the male. Rudyard Kipling

God created man, and, finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a female companion to make him feel his solitude more keenly. Paul Valery

On one issue at least, men and women agree, they both distrust women. H.L. Mencken

Quotes on Family and Everything Else



God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers. Jewish Proverb

The golden wedding anniversary is a celebration of an enduring marriage where only the married couple knows how much each of them has endured. Unknown

A family quarrel is a fiery argument between a man and wife, often due to an old flame. Unknown

Encouragement is giving a person a shot in the arm without letting him feel the needle. Unknown

A divorce lawyer is a marriage canceler. Unknown

Cunning is a woman's method of getting around her husband by hugging him. Unknown

Courteous is being well-mannered enough to say and do the right thing at the right time in the right way. Unknown

Death and love are the two wings that bear the good man to heaven. Michael Angelo

O, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive. Walter Scott

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make then tender. Mary Buckley

Of all the joys that brighten suffering earth, what joy is welcomed like a new-born child? Caroline Norton

Credit is the means to live beyond one's means. Unknown

A do-it-yourselfer is a man who can quickly turn a dripping faucet into a flowing stream. Unknown

Entertainment is any pleasant pastime that makes time pass. Unknown

The family is the household where the big responsibilities are the little ones. Unknown

A quarrel is an angry disagreement during which there is nothing less appreciated than clever sarcasm. Unknown

A gossip is one who loves to discuss the events of the day, neighbor by neighbor. Unknown

Home is the place where woman works in the absence of man, and man rests in the presence of woman. Unknown

A garage sale is the conversion of trash into cash. Unknown

Divorce is a settlement where the husband does not always get the better of the better half. Unknown

The family is a group of related people that will stay together if they play together. Unknown

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. Socrates

When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad. Helen Rowland

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. Mary Marsh

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family. Navajo Proverb

Everybody is overworked. Now the main occupation of the educated man is not his job, but helping his wife at home. Margaret Mead

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. Josh Billings

Only those who get into scrapes with their eyes open can find the safe way out. Logan Smith

Among a husband's other uses, most wives find him a handy thing with which to impress other women. Charles Morton

The family is a household where the parents do lots of talking and the children do little listening. Unknown

Divorce is a legal split-up where you cast off one mate and end up with someone else's castoff. Unknown

A garage sale is the method of distributing the junk in one garage among the other garages in the neighborhood. Unknown

Home is the place where some wives realize they talk to themselves, while others think their husbands are listening. Unknown


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